Positivity!

Source: The Daily Therapy

Si Baste at ang Hatak Group

I am dedicating this blog entry to all those who are misunderstood, misjudged and apparently called 'worthless'.

I instantly became acquainted with Baste when I first stepped in our school canteen. He was a typical student, wearing an off-white polo shirt, overused pants and what seemed to me a 'bedroom' slippers. He was one of the few who courageously asked me if I am the new Guidance Counselor while I was taking my short break at the canteen. I answered him through a simple gesture of my eyebrows. No words were uttered. That was our first encounter. 

What he doesn't know was that I knew him. I knew what he has been doing, what cases have been filed against him and apparently other records which seemed to be unsatisfactory. I had this impression that he will be one of the difficult students that I will handle. However, I was not prepared for the other circumstances that will soon happen.

January 18, 2013, Friday. It was my first activity - the Seniors' Recollection. I invited my closest friends to facilitate the activity. It was risky on my part since I was still trying to adjust to the environment and at the same time, of accepting the reality that this is a 'one-man team', not to mention the scarcity of budget. It was a  total turnaround from what I've been oriented at Ateneo. 

The recollection started at 8:00am. I was nervous. I was hesitant because I had no idea how the students will respond to that kind of activity. I was restless because earlier that week, I had started my exit interview with the seniors and I was already able to pin point the special students. Yes, I call them special or my favorites so as to create a more relaxed interaction. I kept visiting the three sections just to see how the students are behaving and how the facilitators are. I was more worried on the impression that the students might leave on our invited facilitators. Good thing, Ms. D was helping me all throughout the session. 

What surprised me was when it was about time to say their confession, the special students, my favorites were the first in line. Their willingness to avail the sacrament was really overwhelming. Much more when I saw them line up during the communion. It was the time when I can't help but praise God, praise Jesus, that He was able to work through the hearts of these students, through the facilitators. I was happy. I was extremely happy for the students. 

The following monday, a teary-eyed parent barged into my office while I was having my exit interview. She was in a hurry. She immediately sat down on the visitor's chair and started talking to me. She didn't tell me who she was but halfway through our conversation, I came to realize that she was Baste's mom. She was asking for my help because Baste got into trouble and was being summoned by the barangay officials. She said that she needs me to talk to Lando, a fourth year student in a different section, to make sure that he won't take his revenge on Baste. She was explaining that Lando's relatives warned her that they will make sure that Baste will pay for what he has done to Lando. I was alarmed, not because of the threat but by this innate feeling that I cannot fail Baste's mom. She needs my help and I must do something.

It was also through our short conversation that I came to know Baste, as a son. Baste's mom shared that her husband died two years ago and that their savings got depleted because her husband has to undergo a series of dialysis. She said that they used to enjoy a comfortable life but everything changed in an instant. Now, she's the only one working for her three kids. She is earning through her manicure and pedicure service and she's maximizing every business opportunity that comes her way. I asked her about her income and without hesitation, she answered me that her average earning is p100 per day and whenever she's lucky, she'd earn p400. I can hardly imagine how she is able to feed four mouths and still send two of her kids to high school with that kind of income. My heart broke when I heard her story. 

Baste's mom lightened up when she started telling me about her son. She enthusiastically shared that Baste is a good son, that Baste helps her to earn additional income for their family. She even cited that there was this one time when Baste helped his uncle paint his house and got p200 payment for labor. Baste gave the p100 to his mom and kept the other p100. She added that Baste helps her with the household chores and rarely leaves home during weekends. She admitted that Baste is really fond of his friends and she's aware of what his son is doing but she explained to me, with her pleading eyes, that he is a good person and has been reformed. She added that she decided to quit her regular job so as to monitor Baste's activities with his friends. 

After hearing Baste's mom, I had to pat her at the back. I had to reassure her that everything will be okay, that I will do my very best to help her with her concern on Baste and Lando. 

That afternoon, I issued a call slip for Baste and asked him his side of the story. He admitted that he punched Lando in the face because his patience just ticked off since he hasn't eaten anything that day and Lando was provoking him. I expressed my dismay and told him that his mom visited me in the office to make sure that he is okay. I saw how his eyes turned from rage to compassion. In that instant, I felt how Baste loved his mom.

A few weeks later, two students were again referred to my office because of a major offense. They were candidates for expulsion. However, I suggested to our Discipline Officer and the parents to give me time to talk to the students before they decide to endorse them to the principal for expulsion. They agreed and I immediately lobbied that they'd be given another chance and assured that I myself will monitor them and report their progress. 

I asked the two students to regularly report in my office. Everyday, at 7:00am, 12:30pm and 4:00pm, they will report to the Guidance Office and will serve as student assistants. I signed them up for the Peer Facilitators/Counselors group without asking them. I felt that I need to let them be part of a group that will influence them positively. 

It has been two weeks now and these two students have been diligently reporting to my office. They are also attending meetings of the peer group. What's really surprising is that they even recruited their friends to apply for the peer group. That's when I started calling them Hatak Group. When I asked them why they wanted to join the peer group, they unanimously answered that they wanted their image to change, that they wanted to help, that they wanted to become a better person.

As for Baste, I can say that he has changed. His aura has changed. Although he still projects that maangas image, I can sense a nicer and a more kind Baste. I've been hearing him say salamat more often and he hasn't been in office asking for permits so he can enter his class. He would still visit the office but the last time that he did, he was asking for the entrance application form of BISCAST because he intends to enroll in a vocational course on airconditioning. 

However, I would still consider these students as work in progress. They still have to go through a lot for their total transformation but I am confident that they will get through it. I will be with them all the way, whatever path they choose, I will make sure that I will never leave their side.

I just hope that the story of Baste and the Hatak Group will serve as an inspiration to many. These kids, these students do not seem to be the kind of person that they are projecting. Give them time, that is all they need. Time for someone to listen to them, time to let them speak, time to let them defend themselves and time to let them grow. I know that there are a lot of Baste and Hatak Groups in every school. We are judging them because of their appearance, their mannerisms and their misbehavior  But have we ever asked ourselves if we ever took time to talk and listen to them? Yes, they need our open hearts and unbiased ears because they have a lot of stories to tell. Their stories are rich and their dreams are just hidden there, we just need to let them speak. LISTEN. FEEL THEIR NEEDS. Because if we do, our students will never run out of goals, of dreams. Do you think students like Baste and the Hatak Group like what they are now? what they have become? I don't think so.  But we will never understand them if we do not give them our time.

I also hope that whoever will be reading this might also be moved to take that step in order to change someone else's life. THINK. FEEL. ACT. There are a lot of household who would rarely have three meals a day yet there are a lot of us who are quite confused with what to do with their money. I would like to quote my favorite teacher's challenge to us, that if one day, we can already afford to send someone to school, then do so. Helping household by sending one or two of their kids to high school is a big thing. In public schools, you'd only pay less than P1,000 for one school year. See how far p1,000 can go? So please, I am encouraging you to do your part. It is our shared irresponsibility, please act now. It's never to late. You can still ignite the dreams of these students. Don't give up on them, please do your part.

Buhay Gobyerno.

I officially became part of the government when I started working way back in 2007. My participation was the usual remittance of 10-15% of my monthly salary which was forwarded to our government in different forms and in different agencies. It was the time when I came to know who BIR, SSS, Pag-ibig and Philhealth are. It was also in the same circumstance when I gradually accepted that they will STICK with me forever.

Since my starting salary was quite low compared to my batch mates who were working in Manila, I did not really complain on the monthly deductions. I did not really mind how much they were deducting as long as I have enough money to spend whenever my friends and I would dine out or have the usual get together. That was until I started to work in Ateneo.

I was blessed to have a faculty-ranked position when I applied in Ateneo in October 2008. It was a position under one of the busiest or should I say the busiest office in Ateneo. The salary was really beyond my needs, it even supported my ‘frequent wants'. However, that was also the same year when I started to become more aware of my hard-earned money.

I began to question, where does my money go? How come that they are deducting this much? I slowly began to imagine bundles of thousands coming from the monthly obligation of all workers, not to mention the taxes from big companies, multinational companies.

And it all stopped there.

Not until I became part of the work force of the government.

I was hired as Guidance Counselor of the Department of Education, Camarines Sur Division last November 21, 2012. I was assigned at Pamukid National High School, San Fernando, Camarines Sur instead of Pili National High School, my supposedly first work assignment. I have to wake-up at 5:30am everyday and be ready by 6:15am for my 30-40 minute travel. I have to admit that the daily transport is quite tedious on my part considering that my body is not used to long travels.

When I first learned about my appointment in DepEd, I immediately informed my relatives particularly my aunts who were also working in the government. They were both happy and apprehensive. Apprehensive because they know how the system in the government works: the 'usual procedure' and the existing 'protocol'. They basically gave me tips for survival.

Being me, I reported on my first day with excitement. I usually have this kind of disposition whenever there is something new in my routine. My first jeepney ride was quite a thrill, I didn't know where I should say 'para po', how much I should pay and worst, I don't know where Pamukid is in San Fernando. Good thing jeepneys have 'konduktor', they are for me a 'mobile tour guide'.

Finding Pamukid National High School is not that hard, you can easily see the big signage beside the road.  However, you would still need to take a few steps before you reach the gates of the school. Our school houses around 990 students with 35 personnel, 29 teaching and 6 non-teaching personnel.

The moment I entered the campus, I felt awkward. Perhaps because I was overdressed that time. I was wearing my black slacks and a semi-formal top. I wanted to make a good impression to my future boss and I remembered that 'power dressing' is an important factor if you want to make an impression, a good one :) Nevertheless, I continued to dress in the same manner even until now, because if I don't, the students might mistaken me as their classmate.

The days turned to weeks and months. By February 21, I'd be celebrating my third month here in our institution. However, it feels like I've been working here for ages and with my short stay, I was able to note a few things that I should always keep in mind.

1. Our work schedule is from 7:30am until 4:30pm. However, based on my observation, in the morning, some people tend to stretch the 7:30am call time to 7:45am or worse until 8:00am. BUT during dismissal, everyone seems to be in a hurry. 4:30 is 4:30. No extensions if possible. Yes, working overtime is a mortal sin not unless there is a school occasion.
2. Not everyone is given a 'blessing'. If you receive one, better keep it to yourself.
3. Almost all teachers would complain about how low their salary is, to think that their daily rate is way higher than the regular daily rate. I came to understand the reason behind after I saw how impulsive they are whenever there are sales representative visiting our campus. If one teacher bought an item, they must buy as well. Talk about competition.
4. Noise pollution is not new in public schools. It's either you go with it or you just bear the noise that's cracking the walls of your office. Perhaps this is the reason of my frequent migraine attacks.
5. It's really rare for teachers to keep their mouth shut and it's quite impossible for them to speak in low voices except during meetings.
6. When you're preparing meals or snacks for a visitor, always include the total number of employees in your school. It's a habit I think and again, I think this is the reason why some schools have depleting MOOE fund.
7. Always know where you stand. Some practices in the government would really test you and your values. Just stick to your values because you can never go wrong if your principles are clear.
8. Know when to 'read between the lines'. Some people would use sarcasm either as a form of joke or to indirectly tell you how they feel towards you. Be sensitive. Know when to smile and know when to reason out. Timing is very important.
9. Find someone who shares the same work value as you do. This will really help a lot particularly in coping with your working environment.

These only comprises a portion of my mental notes. I will try to add more as I try to remember them.

Nevertheless, I am happy where I am now. The longer I stay here, the more that I am convinced that I am needed here. Working in the public sector is quite a challenge, not because of the task but because of the people around you. Perhaps, I'll allot a separate blog entry for the more inspiring story/stories.

Valentine Pledge

Today, I will commit to love and serve my God unconditionally in every way.

I pledge myself to choose and love the right, the good, the fair and the true.

I will be the light that will ignite a person’s hope to help them cope.

I will be the strength to those who lose their way to keep them back on track.

I will comfort and soothe those who are in pain to restore their smiles.

I will treat everyone with respect, the way I respect my loved ones.

I will learn how to apologize even if it would mean swallowing my own pride.

I will intently evaluate every consequence before I decide to make an action.

I will become a person who takes responsibility over his actions.

I will also learn how to respect the property of others.

I will value it the way I value my things.

I will listen and hear others

And I will never judge them because it is the right thing to do.

I will love others and treat them with kindness

Because after all, they are my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Work for a Cause

Source: The Daily Therapy

Something to Ponder On

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right

one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to
be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often
times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one
which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and
swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was
the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it,
but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until
it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love
you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in
their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like
someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget
someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that
fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your
heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just
want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all
the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make
you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you
happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have
searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the
importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you
can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is
smiling and everyone around you is crying.

-- Author Unknown

Random Thought

Honestly, you don't have the obligation to explain to everyone where you are coming from because if they really care, they won't be pitching for questions. They won't doubt and judge you, because they KNOW you. They will be there to LISTEN because after all, that is all you need, someone who will LISTEN. 

Christian Freedom Bible Church

Yesterday, Tim (the boyfriend) asked me if I could help his boss modify the final logo for a particular Church where his boss is the pastor. I was quite hesitant at first since I have never accepted any professional project relative to logo design. I mean, I know that I am not really an expert on that field, I know basic photoshop but the rest, it's all a mystery to me. A proof would be the consistent look of awe whenever I see collections of digital illustration that's really brought to life. Let's just say I'm still trying to master that craft.

But then again, because of LOVE, I said yes. 

I was quite nervous while doing the logo because I know that I am making it for a Church. Imagine the pressure and the feeling of excitement, anticipating the outcome of the logo. I immediately submitted the first design to Tim but he made some suggestions which I gladly took note of :) (see, I'm obedient).

And now, may I present to you the final logo and stationery design of Christian Freedom Bible Church :)

What made it really overwhelming was the simple letter that I received from Mr. Cabrera, the pastor of the Church and also, Tim's boss, the one I was referring to earlier. It was a note that made me feel really appreciated. And although I have not given up my being Roman Catholic to Christianity, he was very comfortable addressing me as if I was a regular in their Church.

Note: I have been attending a Christian worship service since high school. There were a lot of times when I wanted to 'change my religion' but I cannot sacrifice my devotion for INA. I am spiritually happy attending the Christian service but there are practices in Roman Catholicism that I just cannot give up because I, myself, know and understand what these practices are for and I have personally experienced God through these practices.

Losing part of YOURSELF

Pencil: I'm sorry

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

8th year

To the person who stood by me through my joys and hardships, the person who kept pushing me to go on despite the uncertainties in my path, the person who made me look forward for tomorrows, the person who made me realize what it means to 'wait', the person who always wanted the best for me even if it means sacrificing his own happiness and the person who made me a better me.

Thank you for never giving up on me, on us.

Thank you for the eight wonderful years and I am looking forward for more years of friendship and love with you :)

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TIM MARIANO! 

Photo courtesy of Adee Alarcon :)

How Dugong Atenista Saved My Aunt's Life

Today was supposed to be like any ordinary day. Until I got a text message from my mom that my aunt, one of her younger sister, was in Mother Seton Hospital waiting to be checked-in a room and is scheduled to have blood transfusion. Her platelet count was too high and her hemoglobin was too low. My aunt said that it's anemia and that her doctor still has to check if it is because of lupus or malignancy. There was also this anticipation that we might transfer to St. John Hospital if my aunt couldn't get a room at MSH.

I arrived 7:30pm at the emergency room of MSH. I asked the nurse at the information booth and she directed me to Row 9 where my aunt was currently resting while waiting for a room. My aunt looked normal at first but her paleness was quite disturbing. I honestly thought that she was okay; she was chatting with her visitors, she was joking and she was even seated on her bed.  However, her bestfriend, Auntie Susan told me that we might need bags of type AB blood for my aunt. Without thinking twice, I started calling the staff of ADNU's Office of Student Affairs.

By practice, whenever a student, an employee or an Alumni would need a bag of blood from the Blood Bank, the first office that they would run to is ADNU's Office of Student Affairs (OSA). OSA has been conducting a bloodletting drive twice a year, one in July and the other is in December. The number of donors has also been increasing every year. I had the chance to donate blood thrice, I think, and it was because of the fact that my blood type, AB, is very rare. I just wanted to make sure that if anyone needs an AB blood type, there is one available. I never really thought that I would be needing the same bag of blood that I once donated, tonight.

It was 9:00pm when my aunt was finally admitted to a room. Her best friend and my other aunt, mama's eldest sister, was trying to talk to the nurse-on-duty at the Laboratory if the hospital could provide the blood tonight. The nurse said that there was none available at BMC but when Auntie Mary called Dr. Litam, we learned that there are two bags available in BMC. The problem was, we need a clearance from the barangay and other requirements that I never took note of. While the nurse was explaining all these requirements to us, I told her that I was a blood donor in Ateneo and I have the same blood type as my aunt. Her face lightened up and instead of putting us into so much stress, she issued us a promissory note and she just asked me to request the letter of endorsement from ADNU tomorrow. Immediately, we went to BMC, told the same information to the nurse-in-charge and in 20 minutes, we were driving back to MSH carrying the two bags of type AB blood. Later by midnight, the blood transfusion will take place.

I am really grateful to ADNU's Office of Student Affairs for making it easy for us to have access on our much needed hemoglobin. If Dugong Atenista was never implemented, it might take days before we could have that two bags of blood. I am also deeply indebted to the anonymous donor who was so selfless in donating his/her own blood knowing that much preparation is also needed before one could really qualify as a donor. Thank you also to my friends who helped me get in touch with OSA and to Tim who stayed by my side and kept me strong.

So to you, who is reading this, if you have an opportunity to donate blood, do so. You will never really know when you might need it back. Your name might be anonymous to the recipient but I swear to you, that person will forever be grateful to you because you, ANONYMOUS DONOR, gave that person the chance to live again, to be with his family for countless days and to be a possible donor in the future.

Please, support ADNU's Dugong Atenista or any bloodletting drive organized by your community.

Mishaps & Fortune

I know that they usually associate the month of August with drought, financially. According to my mom, while I was growing up, August is a month where there is lesser income in our business and it seemed like a month's salary is never enough for an ordinary employee. However, if that would be the case, then for some, it's like "August" every month. I guess some of you will agree.

August 2012 is an extreme month for me. It was this month that I receive three job offers from multi-national companies but I ended up declining all their offer. It rarely happened to me being offered the same job from different companies, all with enticing remuneration package. Yet, my heart was telling to say NO and say YES to my mom on her request for me to stay in Bicol.

August 18, 2012, our beloved ex-mayor died in a plane crash. DILG Secretary Jesse Manalastas Robredo, a good man and an exemplary public servant, had an accident while he was on his way home from Cebu to Naga City. He was trying to catch the awarding of his youngest daughter when the Cessna plane that he was on had engine failure. He was found 180 ft below sea and 800 meters from the shore. Yorme's body lies at the Archbishop's Palace now where a number of Naguenos would patiently wait for their turn to see the casket of their beloved 'Pogi'.

August 20, 2012. I almost lost my Blackberry Torch when a stranger tried to snatch the phone from my bag. Good thing an honest lady called my attention so I was able to run after the thief. I really thank the Lord for the two security guards who followed me and never left my side until the thief returned my BB.

August 22, 2012. Finally, Ligaya's dream is coming true. I can't share it yet but it's for a good cause. I will blog about it as soon as everything is final.

P.S. I am sorry if there is no coherence on my blog. I just need to share all these things before I forget them.

The Untold Story

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted having a big sister. I would imagine my big sister helping me choose the right clothes, giving advice on zit outbursts and sharing her own experiences on how she got through a particular girl dilemma, dealing with boys!

I have always wondered how it would feel like having a sister. Mama, coming from a big family with 8 siblings, has 3 sisters while my papa has two younger sisters. I can imagine a regular 'make over session' where your sister paints your nails while you do her hair and a frequent fashion show where you'd get to wear her hand-me-down clothes. You'd be more lucky if you're elder, I think.

Nevertheless, there was also a sense of fascination when my friends would tell me that they would rather have a big brother instead, that I am so lucky because I have a 'kuya'. I would retort, 'having a sister is more fun, kuya doesn't play dolls', with a matching sad face. I was a kid then, who would have thought that an innocent fascination would turn out to be a real blessing.

My kuya is just a year older than me. He was born on April 9 and I was born on the 5th. I don't know how my parents did it but they must have a purpose why we were born on the same month. Since we are just one year apart by birth, I get to have the same age as his for 4 days. My consistent mischief would be calling him by his first name, besides, we are of the same age right? But I could only do that on the first day, maybe because it was more than getting used to calling him 'kuya' for 361 days but he deserves the respect of the title 'kuya'.

My brother has always been my 'protector'. I remembered the time when we were just little kids and we were used to playing in our neighbors' house. There was this one time when I was bitten by our neighbor's dog, kuya immediately grabbed me and all the way to our house, his small hands were encircling my 'fat' thigh just so the rabies won't go up to my heart :( He was pushing me to go on, to keep on walking until we reach our house so that lola could put something on the wound.

There was also one incident when he had to get some coins at our school's fish pond (it was thought to be a wishing pond) just so he could buy me a fishball. He got the coins while I was on the lookout, trying to avoid our ever strict school guard 'Guard Edwin'. I was so hungry that time and we had no money left on our pockets. We were waiting for someone to fetch us and my kuya tried to find a way to feed us both.

I was a crybaby and he was always there to make things seem okay. As long as I have my brother, everything felt right, I feel like nothing bad will happen to me. However, a protector would also have a time of weakness. I remembered crying when I learned that my brother broke his right arm while he was playing at school. It was my Chinese teacher who told me that my brother got into an accident and I rushed to the room where he was but instead of being strong, I fled because I could not bear seeing him like that. I cried and cried until the second period. What was worst was that I could not see my brother in the hospital until his x-ray is done. I ended up calling in sick the following day just to sit beside him all day, watching cartoons.

Don't get me wrong but we would also quarrel. He would squeeze my hands until it makes me cry and when we were getting old, whenever I did something wrong, he would not talk to me for weeks! Even if I tried to win his apology by doing the chores, he would treat me as if I was not physically there. Yes, I am scared of my kuya and I hate it when he gets mad at me.

Now.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted having a big sister but having a big brother is way better. I may not share my clothes with him, won't have make-up and make-over sessions but having someone who will stand by you and encourage you to go on even if the whole world doesn't feel like going with your plans, it's more than to be thankful for. My kuya and I don't regularly talk but when we talk, it's worth the days and weeks that we're not communicating. Even if he would often call me 'spoiled brat', he would always see to it that I get what I want, from my goals to my 'wants' (thanks again for the DSLR kuya!) even it means that he has to sacrifice, that he has to work harder.

Now.

I do not know if I could still make it here in Singapore knowing that I only have 3 weeks left to find a job. Nevertheless, should I not be destined to be here, I'd be more than happy to go back. I am more excited to see my brother and share the space with him. I am excited to clean our house, to cook meals for him and to do the groceries, just like the old times.

Even if I failed here in Singapore, I have a bigger blessing that I am looking forward to when I get home :)

... and there was HOPE

Today was my first time to worship in Hope Church Singapore (thanks to Achi Deejay and Kuya Marlon for bringing me to Hope). The Church is quite far from our place. I have to ride the LRT line going to Choa Chu Kang, then I have to transfer to the green line as soon I get off from Jurong East then I have to get off at Lavender station.

From Lavender station, we had to walk 600 meters to reach the building, Textile Center. The Church is situated at the fourth floor, where the Axis Auditorium is located. When we got there, a number of people where crowding at the elevator. We decided to take the escalator instead. We were attending the 3:00pm service.

Hope Church has two schedules of worship service for Filipinos, the first is at 3pm and the other is at 6pm. They also have a simultaneous Filipino Youth (Ignite) service at 3:00pm which is located at Connect 802. They also have the usual Sunday School for Kids at 10am and 3:00pm.

Attending a worship service in Hope Church is really one of a kind. The moment that you entered the Axis Auditorium, you'd feel different. Perhaps the grandiosity of the place could contribute to such feeling but the moment that the praise and worship team starts singing, tears will just start rolling from your eyes.

This is what I love with the Christian Church. The songs feel like it was personally written for you, it feels like these are the words of God. When the singing started, the place felt very holy. It gave me goosebumps too, but in a good way.

Then Pastor Christie Ong started with her preaching. She was very natural, she was very comfortable speaking to the people. Her sermon was very inspiring and moving. She talked about being a REAL MAN. How a real man fights to keep his family and how a real man draws out the inner beauty of a woman.

What was overwhelming was that Pastor Christie prayed over those who were new to the church, the jobless and those who were experiencing difficulties with their family. I felt that God was subtly whispering with a smile 'Tin, I am glad you came'. Yes Lord, I was even overwhelmed.

I am definitely going back there. It's like my soul has been filled and I need to refilled every week. The experience made me feel like there is nothing that I should worry about because God is with me. I just need to trust Him.

Lord, thank you for the people who brought me to Hope. Thank you for allowing me to experience your great love, to listen to your words and to be moved by it. I am forever grateful for all the blessings that you have given me. Indeed, I cannot love you more than you have loved me. I ask for favor that you will continue to be with me in all of my endeavours. Amen.

The Bucket List

Earlier today, I was trying to recall where I wrote my original bucket list. I am not sure if I was brave enough to share it to my pseudo-readers (if I have any at all) or I just tried to keep it to myself then will just blog about the experience once I crossed out the particular item in my bucket list. Hmm.. I think I would prefer the former :)

To give you a short background, the so called bucket list started with the movie with the same title. It was shown in 2007 which starred Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Freeman was a mechanic while Nicholson was a billionaire who also owned the hospital where they are both confined at. They both had lung cancer and eventually they became friends while they were undergoing the treatment. It was Freeman who started writing the 'things that he wanted to do before he dies' while Carter, while learning about Freeman's plans, offered to finance his 'trips'.

I came across the story because of Kuya Egz. Kuya Egz, whom I fondly call 'Gier', is one of the best people in the university whom you can consult about music and movies. When I say consult, it's like if you're looking for a music for a particular formation session, music that has meaning, then he is the 'guy'. As for movies, he may have seen almost all the tear-jerker movies of every decade and he can easily recommend what is best, let's say for a particular session or if you are simply looking for a quality movie that you can watch over the weekend. Yes, he is the king of soundtrack and films.

Back to my bucket list. I tried to remember the things that I originally wrote and perhaps I will be adding more in the near future. What's important is that I was able to document my bucket list this time. So, here goes.

Tintin's Bucket List

1. Learn how to swim (I partly know how to swim now, am just trying to practice the intervals in breathing and the hand stroke during for a freestyle)
2. Travel to one foreign place every year (I did this for the last two years and this year was my first international trip)
3. Be employed in a foreign country (*fingers crossed*)
4. Get married at the age of 26 (Maybe I could make it 27, in case)
5. Learn how to play the guitar (Still thinking when I could do this)
6. Learn how to drive (When? Soon?)
7. Name my daughter Sophia Danielle
8. Have at least 3 dogs in my OWN house
9. Talk to a random stranger and offer him/her a ride home
10. Learn how to cook
11. Have my own website
12. Sing infront of 1,000 people
13. Give my mom her dream shop - her own flower shop
14. Admit to one person that I was crushing on him
15. Learn one foreign language
16. Learn how to surf

Courage

Funny how I suddenly remembered ‘Courage, the Cowardly Dog’, a cartoon series on Cartoon Network, while I was trying to look for a good title for my blog. I am not good with taglines nor coming up with creative names or titles for any event. Maybe creativity is not part of my system, maybe not yet or perhaps I am creative, it’s just that I can express it in a different outlet.

Courage. My personal definition of courage is simple; it is an intrinsic drive that can surmount any fear. I think all of us are afraid of something. It could be fear of insects, events or circumstances or simply fear towards another person. In my case, I have always been afraid of spiders and the water.

Fear of water. Don’t get me wrong here, I meant that I am afraid to drown that is why whenever our family would go out for a swim, I would usually enjoy the part where we would savor the flavorful scent of the food and let our taste buds complete the craving. I love being in the water but since all I do is to submerge myself in the pool eventually, I would end up shivering because I am literally doing nothing. I even remembered when my brother and I were still young, I dared him for a water race. I pretended that I was swimming but the truth was, my feet were guiding me in the sands while I was trying to move my arms as if I was doing the usual arm movement of a swimmer. He eventually realized that I was cheating.

I honestly cannot recall where my fear of water came about. What I know is that it was a struggle for me to trust my life to the water. I enjoyed going to the beach or the pool but it would have been more meaningful if I knew how to swim. Then alas! Another pool gathering was on the way. It was the annual Ateneo Personnel Club’s rest and recreation. It was an event that everyone was looking forward to. This year, the officers agreed to extend the invitation to the family members, I decided to invite Tim.

May 12, 2012. A day that I can never forget. It was the day when I gathered all my courage to try again to learn how to swim. Tim has been teaching me for a while now but I seem too hard-headed to listen to him. ‘I will drown’ was always my mindset whenever I tried to do the most basic in swimming, to float. I did not know what came across my mind that night but I said to myself ‘it’s either I learn now or I will never enjoy the water’. Drowning was no longer an option.

I tried to relax, inhaled all the air that my lungs can accommodate and suddenly I found myself floating, with my eyes open and appreciating the luminescence of the stars. I did it! I conquered my fear! I never knew it felt this good. I never imagined that I could stay in the pool until 2:00 in the morning without getting bored. I never knew that I could also do the breathing techniques. I never knew all these things if I did not try. Finally, I can partly cross out ‘Learn how to swim’ in my bucket list. Yes, partly because I intend to practice more. Hopefully, I could do the same with my fear of spiders but it will be a process, a long process.

Trying and risking. These are one of the few things that I learned in life. One will never know if they will not try, if they will not risk. I did these a number of times, particularly in my career. Just like now, I risked my job to try my luck in a foreign land. I am bound for Singapore on May 19, 2012, it will be a new chapter that will be unfolded with God’s grace. I remembered one of my aunt asking while we were having the usual family breakfast after the church service if I was nervous. I said no, I knew in my heart that this is what I wanted. I knew in my heart that it is what God also desired for me. I knew these because I prayed for it and God gave me the signs that I needed. I am not afraid because I know HE will be with me. What would you fear if you have God beside you right?

Perhaps this is the reason why I am never afraid to risk. I am never afraid to let go, because I know that HE has greater plans for me. I don’t know but everything will REALLY fall into place if you pray for it. To be honest, leaving the country was already my plan 3 years ago and it took a while before God gave me the sign that I am ready to go. I think He prepared me for it, He prepared my family for it and most importantly, He prepared me spiritually. It really took a lot of patience on my part to wait. I am not fond of ‘patience’ but He taught me the true meaning of patience, it is leaving all your worries to Him and just let Him work. After all, there are a lot of circumstances which are out of our control.

Maybe, just maybe, I have found a new definition of courage. It is trusting God to work in your life because He knows what is best for you.     

A Boys Scout's Lesson

I recently became sick and it was that worse that I thought I would stay in the hospital for a couple of days but when the doctor gave me that 'shot' through direct IV, I somehow felt a little better and decided to just stay home instead. I never told any of my relatives because I don't really want them to worry. I know that I'd be fine but one of my favorite uncle (my mom's brother) suddenly sent me a text message which was really sweet. It was something that he learned when he was a member of the boy scouts.

'Thank God. Nice to hear that. One thing I learned about duties when I joined the boy scouts during my elementary years: duty to self, duty to others, duty to country, duty to God. Duty to self is intrinsic. After all self-preservation is the first law of nature. But for people who have been raised to look after the welfare of others - like you - sometimes the self is relegated. Take care of yourself always. We are more effective influence to others when we are in good health. God bless.' (Sent last April 29, 2012, 7:59am) 

Moving Out. Moving In.

Today officially marks my last day as the Prefect of the Xavier Honors' Dormitory.

One year. It has been a year since I embraced the responsibility of 'watching over' 26 souls. It was a decision that I never imagined would take me to where I am now. It was a decision with uncertainty but became one of the wisest decision that I ever made.

Living in the dormitory is not that hard. There is a specific structure that one must follow. The problem usually lies with the consistency in doing what is expected from the dormers. EXPECTATIONS. I would usually hear people saying 'much is expected from the dormers because they are provided with so much'. TOO MUCH BLESSINGS equates TOO MUCH EXPECTATIONS. That was my idea, they were provided with so much privileges thus they must do something to compensate for those privileges.

I was under the impression that I, as a prefect, must ensure that all the things demanded from the dormers should be followed. Although it never slipped my mind what Kuya Zero told us, that above all technicalities 'cura personalis' must prevail. So I did. I tried to be an authority and at the same time, a sister to them. I insisted on 'respect rather than fear' and I invited them to be more open to me. I valued communication overall and I would reiterate to them that I'd rather be confronted if they have problems with me rather than hearing the concern from others.

Being a prefect is not an easy task, especially if people are expecting you to accomplish as much as a 'full time prefect' does. However, what makes the job of a prefect significant is the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. MAKING A DIFFERENCE, that's what makes our job difficult. If you are basically a person who would not take this as part of your responsibility then being a prefect is easy. Making a difference is simple, that's what I learned from the dorm. Making time for your dormers so you could listen to their stories, how they struggled to get the scholarship, their long-term plans for their family and simple stories of their life outside the dormitory is already making a difference. YOU made time for them, YOU listened to them, YOU were there for them.

Generally, my kids (that's how I call them) are talented students. Yes, indeed, the students in the dormitory are not ordinary students, not because they are academically excellent but they can be that responsible despite their age. Some of them would just need a little push so they could discover the things that they can do. Some would need a little 'reminding' to help them reevaluate and refocus their goals.

I am happy that I was given that chance to spend time with them. I myself learned a lot from the dormers. I just hope that through their journey, they will not forget where they came from and to be consistently grateful for all the blessings that they have received and are about to receive. I pray that my kids would always remember that they are doing all these things because it is the purpose of our creation, to glorify the name of God :)

Masaya Ka Ba?

This is the first line that registered in my consciousness while I struggled choosing between the mountain-like documents that I have to file or to type and write instead. I really miss writing. I miss sharing my thoughts through writing :(

Early this morning, I decided to visit my old blog. I used to have an account with blogspot but due to the daily demands at work and school, I usually miss a lot of opportunities to write. I tried to read my old blogs and I somehow felt a little relieved because I can sense a bit of improvement with the way I write. I think I am a BIT organized with my thoughts this time. Sometimes, I even feel like laughing because I can't seem to recall why I had to write on a particular topic. Partly, it also amazes me how I was able to come up with such thoughts, I could not even believe that I wrote those :)

MASAYA KA BA. This is the last significant question that I asked myself before I officially requested to be transferred to the Alumni and International Relations Office. Yes, finally, I am no longer connected with the Ignatian Formation Center. It is somehow a relief, no, I am underestimating the blessings, let me rephrase that. I am SO RELIEVED to be out of the office. After keeping up with the rigid demands of the office, I was able to survive for more than 3 years. Honestly, this is the longest job that I had and I did not even know how I lasted that long. Perhaps it was the work of the Holy Spirit that sustained me.

However, me, being in the dormitory as Prefect, can still feel the wrath of her power. Yes, too much power can consume you and can make you do different things. I don't specifically understand where her judgment is coming from plus the lack of consistency even complicates things. You might be wondering what I am talking about, let's just say that she made her choices and it was as if she was pushing people to conform to her choice. She has always been like that, consistent in that sense.

I don't really know if people are still happy around her. In my case, I was not that's why I decided to leave her. Let's just describe it as a feeling of discomfort because what you preach is different from your actions. Too much anxiety builds up and basically, it can kill a person, literally and figuratively. I was in that circumstance that is why I decided  that I had to let go and I am glad I did.

I AM HAPPIER NOW. GENUINELY HAPPY.

Stories of Love

I am celebrating Valentine's Day today in a very special way. One, because this is the second Valentine's celebration of LIGAYA (I can't remember where we went last year though). Second, I am celebrating this with 24 girls. Third, am technically under a 'new' office. Fourth, we went to places which were not here last year, Florespina's and Starbucks (I hope am right).

The night before Hearts day, I got a sweet card from one of my kids. Then Pepits gave us chocolates during lunch (with personalized quotes from AUTHOR UNKNOWN). Later in the evening, I met with my parents and Tim and we had dinner at Florespina's. Papa was suggesting to have our dinner at Mang Inasal but I had to insist that we go to Florespina's. Good thing, there were available tables when we got there. Papa and Mama had Pork Adobo for dinner while Tim and I had Korean Beefstew (it was a little bit spicy :P). After dinner, Tim and I went to his former computer shop to visit my aunt and we went to straight to his office afterwards. I enjoyed walking from centro to his office, I think I burned enough calories. Florespina's serving are really enormous for my petite tummy, so we really needed that walk !

After Tim's office, we already proceeded to Magsaysay to meet-up with LIGAYA. We stayed at Starbucks for about one to two hours, I guess. Ate Jing, Pepit's sister, joined us while waiting for her Mark. An acoustic group serenaded the customers while giving out free coffee to everyone. I think the first coffee was Verona and the other was Vanilla Latte. We saw common faces there, Mike, Tim's cousin, also dropped by Starbucks to say hi. At around 10:30pm, I decided to go home because my left eye is irritated again. When I entered the room, I saw some notes from the dormers, I felt appreciated.

The notes were all hand-made. One can really see how much effort was given to every intricate detail in the note. But what really touched my heart was the messages in the note. It really uplifted my spirit, I felt happy that someone can empathize and be as sensitive as that. Really, this is one of the best hearts day celebration for me. I mean, the effort to do the card, the money that they have to save for how many days or weeks which means sacrificing meals perhaps and the act of remembering me, even if I am  not their  real mother.

This day was also special because our prayers for a particular dormer has been answered. He passed the subject. He can continue being an honors' dormer. He can stay in the dorm.

There are so many things that I am thankful for for today. Thank you, Lord. I really wish that we will continue to be kind and to love others even if it is no longer Valentine's Day. So that everyday, we can add to the random stories of love :)