Courage

Funny how I suddenly remembered ‘Courage, the Cowardly Dog’, a cartoon series on Cartoon Network, while I was trying to look for a good title for my blog. I am not good with taglines nor coming up with creative names or titles for any event. Maybe creativity is not part of my system, maybe not yet or perhaps I am creative, it’s just that I can express it in a different outlet.

Courage. My personal definition of courage is simple; it is an intrinsic drive that can surmount any fear. I think all of us are afraid of something. It could be fear of insects, events or circumstances or simply fear towards another person. In my case, I have always been afraid of spiders and the water.

Fear of water. Don’t get me wrong here, I meant that I am afraid to drown that is why whenever our family would go out for a swim, I would usually enjoy the part where we would savor the flavorful scent of the food and let our taste buds complete the craving. I love being in the water but since all I do is to submerge myself in the pool eventually, I would end up shivering because I am literally doing nothing. I even remembered when my brother and I were still young, I dared him for a water race. I pretended that I was swimming but the truth was, my feet were guiding me in the sands while I was trying to move my arms as if I was doing the usual arm movement of a swimmer. He eventually realized that I was cheating.

I honestly cannot recall where my fear of water came about. What I know is that it was a struggle for me to trust my life to the water. I enjoyed going to the beach or the pool but it would have been more meaningful if I knew how to swim. Then alas! Another pool gathering was on the way. It was the annual Ateneo Personnel Club’s rest and recreation. It was an event that everyone was looking forward to. This year, the officers agreed to extend the invitation to the family members, I decided to invite Tim.

May 12, 2012. A day that I can never forget. It was the day when I gathered all my courage to try again to learn how to swim. Tim has been teaching me for a while now but I seem too hard-headed to listen to him. ‘I will drown’ was always my mindset whenever I tried to do the most basic in swimming, to float. I did not know what came across my mind that night but I said to myself ‘it’s either I learn now or I will never enjoy the water’. Drowning was no longer an option.

I tried to relax, inhaled all the air that my lungs can accommodate and suddenly I found myself floating, with my eyes open and appreciating the luminescence of the stars. I did it! I conquered my fear! I never knew it felt this good. I never imagined that I could stay in the pool until 2:00 in the morning without getting bored. I never knew that I could also do the breathing techniques. I never knew all these things if I did not try. Finally, I can partly cross out ‘Learn how to swim’ in my bucket list. Yes, partly because I intend to practice more. Hopefully, I could do the same with my fear of spiders but it will be a process, a long process.

Trying and risking. These are one of the few things that I learned in life. One will never know if they will not try, if they will not risk. I did these a number of times, particularly in my career. Just like now, I risked my job to try my luck in a foreign land. I am bound for Singapore on May 19, 2012, it will be a new chapter that will be unfolded with God’s grace. I remembered one of my aunt asking while we were having the usual family breakfast after the church service if I was nervous. I said no, I knew in my heart that this is what I wanted. I knew in my heart that it is what God also desired for me. I knew these because I prayed for it and God gave me the signs that I needed. I am not afraid because I know HE will be with me. What would you fear if you have God beside you right?

Perhaps this is the reason why I am never afraid to risk. I am never afraid to let go, because I know that HE has greater plans for me. I don’t know but everything will REALLY fall into place if you pray for it. To be honest, leaving the country was already my plan 3 years ago and it took a while before God gave me the sign that I am ready to go. I think He prepared me for it, He prepared my family for it and most importantly, He prepared me spiritually. It really took a lot of patience on my part to wait. I am not fond of ‘patience’ but He taught me the true meaning of patience, it is leaving all your worries to Him and just let Him work. After all, there are a lot of circumstances which are out of our control.

Maybe, just maybe, I have found a new definition of courage. It is trusting God to work in your life because He knows what is best for you.