Never Settle For Anything Less

Source: The Daily Therapy

Suarez-Encinas Nuptial

One of our batchmates finally tied the knot! Congratulations Yannie and Bok!

Ring Finger

According to tradition in some countries (derived from Roman belief), the wedding ring is worn on the left ring finger because the vein in the left ring finger, referred to as the vena amoris, was said to be directly connected to the heart, as a symbol of love.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_finger

Surviving the 28th year

Yesterday, June 25, 2012, my parents celebrated their 28th Wedding Anniversary. I know it is a special day but I don't recall any form of celebration to commemorate that extraordinary day. Ever since I was a kid, it seemed like a very ordinary day for me and my brother. I guess the overflowing beer and the 'til dawn' karaoke would speak of the 'special celebration' because it is also on the same day that my grandmother (papa's mama) was born.

I would often remember my mom saying to my papa 'Oh, ma anniversary na naman kita, mairinuman na naman kamo' (We're going to have our anniversary soon, you're going to get drunk again). Perhaps it was my papa's family's definition of celebration, getting drunk until the wee hours of morning and the guests would just start to leave as soon as my grandmother would start acting 'differently'. Yes, I am never proud of this circumstance. I feel like hiding myself in the house, pretending that I can't hear what our neighbors are saying the following morning.

28 years of marriage. I have been a witness of how sweet and how painful these 28 years are. My family is not perfect, just as everybody thought that I lived in a stress-free home. I grew up in a verbally violent house. There was even a time when I would hear my parents arguing in the morning and it's as if there was a pause button when I was at school, just in time when I get home, the play button will suddenly turn on. Eventually, these heated arguments came to the point in which my mom decided for us to leave my papa. We stayed with my mom's mother for a year or two. Honestly, it was a relief for both me and my brother to be kept away from an environment where you can't even recognize your own father. I thought it was the end of their marriage. The arguments were worst than our financial concerns, I felt like it was really the end. 

Yet, God made a way. I personally think that if these bad experiences did not happen, I would not be as close to God as I am now. I don't want to sound too religious but yes, the Christian community helped us 'build' our 'house' again. Since then, our family has been attending Christian service every Sunday because if it was not for God, my family might not be complete today.

My father started to get involved in the praise and worship team. Mama became a regular volunteer for the flower arrangement group. I, myself, would also volunteer to sing during the offertory whenever my schedule permits me to. 

Personally, I think that keeping a marriage for 28 years is not easy. Some would give up as early as the first year. I still believe that in a relationship, as long as one person decides to hold on, the relationship will survive. In our case, it was my mom who decided not to let go despite of everything bad that has happened. I really admire my mom for being so tough, despite her petite size, she can instantly transform into a tiger. My brother and I are even afraid of her more than our father.

For the blissful 28 years, I thank the Lord for keeping my family together. I thank the Lord for making my mama strong. I thank the Lord for never giving up on my father. I thank the Lord for the renewed souls, for the understanding heart and for another blissful wedding anniversary for my parents :)

The Bucket List

Earlier today, I was trying to recall where I wrote my original bucket list. I am not sure if I was brave enough to share it to my pseudo-readers (if I have any at all) or I just tried to keep it to myself then will just blog about the experience once I crossed out the particular item in my bucket list. Hmm.. I think I would prefer the former :)

To give you a short background, the so called bucket list started with the movie with the same title. It was shown in 2007 which starred Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Freeman was a mechanic while Nicholson was a billionaire who also owned the hospital where they are both confined at. They both had lung cancer and eventually they became friends while they were undergoing the treatment. It was Freeman who started writing the 'things that he wanted to do before he dies' while Carter, while learning about Freeman's plans, offered to finance his 'trips'.

I came across the story because of Kuya Egz. Kuya Egz, whom I fondly call 'Gier', is one of the best people in the university whom you can consult about music and movies. When I say consult, it's like if you're looking for a music for a particular formation session, music that has meaning, then he is the 'guy'. As for movies, he may have seen almost all the tear-jerker movies of every decade and he can easily recommend what is best, let's say for a particular session or if you are simply looking for a quality movie that you can watch over the weekend. Yes, he is the king of soundtrack and films.

Back to my bucket list. I tried to remember the things that I originally wrote and perhaps I will be adding more in the near future. What's important is that I was able to document my bucket list this time. So, here goes.

Tintin's Bucket List

1. Learn how to swim (I partly know how to swim now, am just trying to practice the intervals in breathing and the hand stroke during for a freestyle)
2. Travel to one foreign place every year (I did this for the last two years and this year was my first international trip)
3. Be employed in a foreign country (*fingers crossed*)
4. Get married at the age of 26 (Maybe I could make it 27, in case)
5. Learn how to play the guitar (Still thinking when I could do this)
6. Learn how to drive (When? Soon?)
7. Name my daughter Sophia Danielle
8. Have at least 3 dogs in my OWN house
9. Talk to a random stranger and offer him/her a ride home
10. Learn how to cook
11. Have my own website
12. Sing infront of 1,000 people
13. Give my mom her dream shop - her own flower shop
14. Admit to one person that I was crushing on him
15. Learn one foreign language
16. Learn how to surf

Marriage

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

... Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Source: Random post from Facebook :)