The Untold Story

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted having a big sister. I would imagine my big sister helping me choose the right clothes, giving advice on zit outbursts and sharing her own experiences on how she got through a particular girl dilemma, dealing with boys!

I have always wondered how it would feel like having a sister. Mama, coming from a big family with 8 siblings, has 3 sisters while my papa has two younger sisters. I can imagine a regular 'make over session' where your sister paints your nails while you do her hair and a frequent fashion show where you'd get to wear her hand-me-down clothes. You'd be more lucky if you're elder, I think.

Nevertheless, there was also a sense of fascination when my friends would tell me that they would rather have a big brother instead, that I am so lucky because I have a 'kuya'. I would retort, 'having a sister is more fun, kuya doesn't play dolls', with a matching sad face. I was a kid then, who would have thought that an innocent fascination would turn out to be a real blessing.

My kuya is just a year older than me. He was born on April 9 and I was born on the 5th. I don't know how my parents did it but they must have a purpose why we were born on the same month. Since we are just one year apart by birth, I get to have the same age as his for 4 days. My consistent mischief would be calling him by his first name, besides, we are of the same age right? But I could only do that on the first day, maybe because it was more than getting used to calling him 'kuya' for 361 days but he deserves the respect of the title 'kuya'.

My brother has always been my 'protector'. I remembered the time when we were just little kids and we were used to playing in our neighbors' house. There was this one time when I was bitten by our neighbor's dog, kuya immediately grabbed me and all the way to our house, his small hands were encircling my 'fat' thigh just so the rabies won't go up to my heart :( He was pushing me to go on, to keep on walking until we reach our house so that lola could put something on the wound.

There was also one incident when he had to get some coins at our school's fish pond (it was thought to be a wishing pond) just so he could buy me a fishball. He got the coins while I was on the lookout, trying to avoid our ever strict school guard 'Guard Edwin'. I was so hungry that time and we had no money left on our pockets. We were waiting for someone to fetch us and my kuya tried to find a way to feed us both.

I was a crybaby and he was always there to make things seem okay. As long as I have my brother, everything felt right, I feel like nothing bad will happen to me. However, a protector would also have a time of weakness. I remembered crying when I learned that my brother broke his right arm while he was playing at school. It was my Chinese teacher who told me that my brother got into an accident and I rushed to the room where he was but instead of being strong, I fled because I could not bear seeing him like that. I cried and cried until the second period. What was worst was that I could not see my brother in the hospital until his x-ray is done. I ended up calling in sick the following day just to sit beside him all day, watching cartoons.

Don't get me wrong but we would also quarrel. He would squeeze my hands until it makes me cry and when we were getting old, whenever I did something wrong, he would not talk to me for weeks! Even if I tried to win his apology by doing the chores, he would treat me as if I was not physically there. Yes, I am scared of my kuya and I hate it when he gets mad at me.

Now.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted having a big sister but having a big brother is way better. I may not share my clothes with him, won't have make-up and make-over sessions but having someone who will stand by you and encourage you to go on even if the whole world doesn't feel like going with your plans, it's more than to be thankful for. My kuya and I don't regularly talk but when we talk, it's worth the days and weeks that we're not communicating. Even if he would often call me 'spoiled brat', he would always see to it that I get what I want, from my goals to my 'wants' (thanks again for the DSLR kuya!) even it means that he has to sacrifice, that he has to work harder.

Now.

I do not know if I could still make it here in Singapore knowing that I only have 3 weeks left to find a job. Nevertheless, should I not be destined to be here, I'd be more than happy to go back. I am more excited to see my brother and share the space with him. I am excited to clean our house, to cook meals for him and to do the groceries, just like the old times.

Even if I failed here in Singapore, I have a bigger blessing that I am looking forward to when I get home :)

F21 Overload

It was my first time in Forever 21 Ion Orchard and I must say, the place is huuuuuggee! Took some photos for my own pleasure :)) I really controlled myself not to squeal when I entered the shop.

Feather Earrings

Colorful headbands

A floral top that I have been crushing on :)

My favorite side of the store

Laces and Peaches

Rejected

Perhaps God has a greater plan for me :) I pray that you grant me the wisdom and an ever patient heart to understand and embrace your will.

Surviving the 28th year

Yesterday, June 25, 2012, my parents celebrated their 28th Wedding Anniversary. I know it is a special day but I don't recall any form of celebration to commemorate that extraordinary day. Ever since I was a kid, it seemed like a very ordinary day for me and my brother. I guess the overflowing beer and the 'til dawn' karaoke would speak of the 'special celebration' because it is also on the same day that my grandmother (papa's mama) was born.

I would often remember my mom saying to my papa 'Oh, ma anniversary na naman kita, mairinuman na naman kamo' (We're going to have our anniversary soon, you're going to get drunk again). Perhaps it was my papa's family's definition of celebration, getting drunk until the wee hours of morning and the guests would just start to leave as soon as my grandmother would start acting 'differently'. Yes, I am never proud of this circumstance. I feel like hiding myself in the house, pretending that I can't hear what our neighbors are saying the following morning.

28 years of marriage. I have been a witness of how sweet and how painful these 28 years are. My family is not perfect, just as everybody thought that I lived in a stress-free home. I grew up in a verbally violent house. There was even a time when I would hear my parents arguing in the morning and it's as if there was a pause button when I was at school, just in time when I get home, the play button will suddenly turn on. Eventually, these heated arguments came to the point in which my mom decided for us to leave my papa. We stayed with my mom's mother for a year or two. Honestly, it was a relief for both me and my brother to be kept away from an environment where you can't even recognize your own father. I thought it was the end of their marriage. The arguments were worst than our financial concerns, I felt like it was really the end. 

Yet, God made a way. I personally think that if these bad experiences did not happen, I would not be as close to God as I am now. I don't want to sound too religious but yes, the Christian community helped us 'build' our 'house' again. Since then, our family has been attending Christian service every Sunday because if it was not for God, my family might not be complete today.

My father started to get involved in the praise and worship team. Mama became a regular volunteer for the flower arrangement group. I, myself, would also volunteer to sing during the offertory whenever my schedule permits me to. 

Personally, I think that keeping a marriage for 28 years is not easy. Some would give up as early as the first year. I still believe that in a relationship, as long as one person decides to hold on, the relationship will survive. In our case, it was my mom who decided not to let go despite of everything bad that has happened. I really admire my mom for being so tough, despite her petite size, she can instantly transform into a tiger. My brother and I are even afraid of her more than our father.

For the blissful 28 years, I thank the Lord for keeping my family together. I thank the Lord for making my mama strong. I thank the Lord for never giving up on my father. I thank the Lord for the renewed souls, for the understanding heart and for another blissful wedding anniversary for my parents :)

... and there was HOPE

Today was my first time to worship in Hope Church Singapore (thanks to Achi Deejay and Kuya Marlon for bringing me to Hope). The Church is quite far from our place. I have to ride the LRT line going to Choa Chu Kang, then I have to transfer to the green line as soon I get off from Jurong East then I have to get off at Lavender station.

From Lavender station, we had to walk 600 meters to reach the building, Textile Center. The Church is situated at the fourth floor, where the Axis Auditorium is located. When we got there, a number of people where crowding at the elevator. We decided to take the escalator instead. We were attending the 3:00pm service.

Hope Church has two schedules of worship service for Filipinos, the first is at 3pm and the other is at 6pm. They also have a simultaneous Filipino Youth (Ignite) service at 3:00pm which is located at Connect 802. They also have the usual Sunday School for Kids at 10am and 3:00pm.

Attending a worship service in Hope Church is really one of a kind. The moment that you entered the Axis Auditorium, you'd feel different. Perhaps the grandiosity of the place could contribute to such feeling but the moment that the praise and worship team starts singing, tears will just start rolling from your eyes.

This is what I love with the Christian Church. The songs feel like it was personally written for you, it feels like these are the words of God. When the singing started, the place felt very holy. It gave me goosebumps too, but in a good way.

Then Pastor Christie Ong started with her preaching. She was very natural, she was very comfortable speaking to the people. Her sermon was very inspiring and moving. She talked about being a REAL MAN. How a real man fights to keep his family and how a real man draws out the inner beauty of a woman.

What was overwhelming was that Pastor Christie prayed over those who were new to the church, the jobless and those who were experiencing difficulties with their family. I felt that God was subtly whispering with a smile 'Tin, I am glad you came'. Yes Lord, I was even overwhelmed.

I am definitely going back there. It's like my soul has been filled and I need to refilled every week. The experience made me feel like there is nothing that I should worry about because God is with me. I just need to trust Him.

Lord, thank you for the people who brought me to Hope. Thank you for allowing me to experience your great love, to listen to your words and to be moved by it. I am forever grateful for all the blessings that you have given me. Indeed, I cannot love you more than you have loved me. I ask for favor that you will continue to be with me in all of my endeavours. Amen.