The Sacrament of Waiting

by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery – a natural sacrament of life – there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one – or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come – or autumn – for the rains to begin and stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.

We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up – to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living – the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.

Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait “grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s greatest beer ads get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short – eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom – pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs – they warn against attachments and commitments – against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us – against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure – but even that is fleeting and doubtful – what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure – “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it – how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait – two years, three years – and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit – the seed to flower – carbon to change to diamond.

There is no simple answer – no more than there is to life’s other demands -having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives – having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path – good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth – the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting – of being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other – until they can see things the same way or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.

There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait – in silence but still present to each other – until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life – when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature – isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery – that waiting is part of the substance – the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.

How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to
wait for it?

***********************************

Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for.

How will you know if it’s worth it? Gut feel.

What if you don’t trust your gut? Pray. You will be enlightened. Trust me.

Is it wrong to expect while waiting? It’s not wrong, but it will increase your chances of heartbreak and disappointment if things don’t work out in the end.

Is it good to expect while waiting? It is better to HOPE.

What’s the difference between hoping and expecting? HOPING means you’re open to either side of the coin landing though you’re more inclined to believe that things will turn out well. EXPECTING means you’re thinking single-track…which won’t do you much good at all.

What’s the difference between waiting and expecting? EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN. WAITING is staying where you are, but not necessarily expecting something to happen definitely.

Do you need assurance from someone you’re waiting for while you’re waiting? Ideally, yes. But realistically, do you really want assurance from this person? It’s so easy to just point at something and make that the reason why you’re waiting (“Because she said…” “Because he told me that…”).

With WAITING, all you really can rely on are 3 things: your gut feel, your heart and mind. Just YOURSELF, not anyone else.

So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel? What does your mind think? If they’re saying different things, keep asking yourself these 3 questions (and pray!) until you get a solid answer.

THEN you’ll know if he or she is worth waiting for.

And now, a young man responds

Dear You,

I will admit that it came as a surprise to me when you decided to write a letter such as this. I always thought you were the type to keep things to yourself—one of the many things that keep us apart until now.

There is a part of every boy’s heart that dreams of his princess. However, no matter what the age, this princess does not change.

Nineteen years into this life, and although your unwillingness to give your heart away is what troubles you, what troubles me is how willing I am each and every time to give my complete heart and yet there is no one to receive anything of me.

Try as I might to give my heart to someone I had imagined was perfect, and I end up putting the pieces back together, mustering the courage to make it seems like nothing is wrong and nothing has been lost, when in fact, everything in my life at that point feels otherwise.

Although I have only known you for a few years, I am as confident as a man in love can be, that you are the perfect girl I have been thinking of ever since. Nineteen years into this life, and we are both still apparently waiting… for someone to be swept off her feet, and for someone to sweep you off yours. And yet, here we are closer to each other than you would expect.

I am sorry I took this long. But, I hope you know, it has not been entirely easy, trying to whisk you off to my palace on horseback. I am not alone in this pursuit of your love and I have no palace to show you in comparison to the many other men who will try to win your heart. You have not been entirely cooperative as well, but I do not blame you for this. In fact, it’s just one of the many quirks that sets you apart from other girls out there.

You will be disappointed to know that it has not been such a fairytale - meeting me, and for this I will be eternally sorry. I hope you know guys spend more than enough time trying to come up with the perfect introduction, what with sweaty palms and a shaky voice. As to the extreme disappointment I may cause you, I also hope you know that you are still as perfect in my eyes as always. I may not have begun it as a fairytale for us, but I will go through leaps and bounds to make you feel like the princess that you are.

Your eccentricities are what I love about you. Even during your occasional mood swings, it is the most endearing thing to see you shift gears. Although I must admit, sometimes it can be quite confusing; keeping me on my toes, it just makes me want to be with you even more. I want to be the man you stand beside at your best and your worst—because either way, you are still too beautiful, and I would be nothing less than the luckiest guy in town if you were just as happy as I was, standing beside you.

You are and will always be my best friend, even if one day I end up finding no more shirts because you have borrowed them all. And when you return them I end up not wearing them, still, because the scent is there to remind me of you even when you are not around. You are my best friend because you look out for me, after a stressful day, or after we lose a game of basketball. Even during times when you refuse to speak to anyone, me included—you are still my best friend.

You will be the girl I try so hard to cook for, and despite my best efforts I know I will fail, but I will love how you will try to taste my concoctions, even when the taste might make you cringe. You will be the girl whose mom I will try so hard to impress, and then you will fix my collar in hopes that I am ready to meet your parents. Adventure after adventure, you will be the girl I will see the world with, complete with the local cuisine taste and souvenir shots.

You are the girl I will smile to even in the worst of times. Even when the day feels like s__t, I know that when I see you that my world cannot be so bad if you are beside me. You are the girl whose smile I will wake up to, even when some mornings might find me with a slight case of morning breath. I cannot wait to love you.

Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope one day you will find me worthy of your heart. In the meantime, know that I am out here somewhere, waiting for you, hoping that you will be mine.

Loving you forever and a day,

Me

Source: http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/sundaylifestyle/sundaylifestyle/view/20100815-286817/And-now-a-young-man-responds

Chinese Astrology for Ox and Tiger

This is better than last year :)

The Ox
Sturdy, earthy, no-nonsense – that’s the Ox. Affectionate and easy-going, the Ox can show a fierce temper when agitated. He is neat, tidy, quiet and studious, with a great love of his home. Music can be a great love. Family life and a loving partner are high on the Ox’s priorities. A wonderful loyal friend.
Forecast for 2011 The Ox will have grown quite a bit during 2010. Its whirlwind moments and sudden challenges meant the Ox had to adjust his thinking and change direction on a dime! Some may feel a bit low about the way things went and it’s important to look forward to 2011 and put 2010 firmly behind them. The Chinese Year of the Rabbit will be encouraging for the Ox. For those who wish to change their career or at least change the direction of it, February, March and September will bring exciting offers and progress. Romance is highlighted in a very special way this year, with unattached Oxen finding themselves in exactly the right place at the right time to meet someone very special. For those in a relationship, this will strengthen and grow. June, July and October are wonderful months for love and romance. Friendship will be important during 2011. Whether the Ox is looking for new friends or drawing on friendships he already has, it’s important that he stays socially active. March, August and December will be particularly busy socially. The Ox should take time to ensure his diet is healthy and that he is taking time to exercise and spend time outdoors. Rest and relaxation will be vital for all Oxen during the Year of the Rabbit.

Interesting Ox Facts: 
Zodiac Stone: Aquamarine
Special Flower: Carnation
Best Hours: 1-3 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Green, Yellow, Black

The Tiger
Magnetic, passionate and grand! When the Tiger does anything, it’s noticed! Indecisiveness and stubbornness can mar the sparkle of the Tiger personality. On the one hand generous, on the other hand a little mean, it’s sometimes hard to know where one stands with the Tiger. Flexible, honest and truly entertaining, one has a friend for life with a Tiger.

Forecast for 2011 Most Tigers will be feeling quite pleased and energized at the end of their own year in 2010. The Year of the Rabbit will be another positive year for them. Romantic matters are particularly to the forefront, with many born under this sign deciding to get married or to take the relationship to the next level. Single Tigers will have many chances to meet a partner with June to September particularly well aspected. If they have faced recent personal trials and tribulations, 2011 will prove to be a much brighter year. Financially, the Tiger will most likely see an increase in income, either due to a pay rise or an unexpected windfall. With careful planning and budgeting, they can enjoy this monetary increase whilst easing financial burdens. Hobbies and outdoor pursuits will also interest the Tiger this year and will provide relaxation and a social setting, both of which will suit him just fine. Travel and spending holidays with friends will be a focus during late spring and also August and September. If there is a dream location he’s always wanted to visit, this is the perfect year to do so! A house purchase or change of home could very well feature on the cards also. This will be an exciting rather than overly stressful development and Tigers should thrive in their new environment.

Interesting Tiger Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Sapphire
Special Flower: Violet
Best Hours: 3-5 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Green, Blue, Yellow
Source: http://www.moonslipper.com/chinese.html

D E S I D E R A T A

HUMAYO kang mapayapa sa gitna ng ingay at pagmamadali, at alalahanin mo kung anong kapayapaan mayroon sa katahimikan. Hangga’t maaari, ng walang pagsuko, maging mabuti ang pakikitungo mo sa lahat ng tao. Ipahayag mo ang iyong katotohanan ng tahimik at buong linaw; at makinig ka sa iba, maging sa mga kabagot-bagot at mangmang; sila man ay mayroon ding sariling salaysay. 

IWASAN mo ang maiingay at mapupusok na tao; sila ay mga pang-inis sa isip. Kung ihahambing mo ang 
iyong sarili sa iba, maaari kang maging palalo o may sama ng loob, sapagka’t lagi na’y mayroong mas nakahihigit at mas nakabababang mga tao kaysa sa iyo.

MASIYAHAN ka sa iyong mga nakamtan gayundin sa iyong mga balakin. Manatili kang interesado sa iyong sariling hanapbuhay, gaano man kababa; Ito’y isang tunay na pag-aari sa pabago-bagong kapalaran ng panahon. 

GAWIN mo nag pag-iingat sa iyong mga gawaing pangkalakal, sapagka’t ang daigdig ay tigib ng panlilinlang. Subali’t huwag mo itong bayaang bumulag sa iyo sa kung anong kabutihan ang mayroon dito; maraming tao ang nagpupunyagi tungo sa matataas na hangarin, at kahit saan ang buhay ay puno ng kabayanihan. 

IKAW ay maging ikaw. Lalo’t higit ay huwag mong dayain ang pagmamahal. O ‘di kaya’y maging mapag-alinlangan ka tungkol sa pag-ibig; sapagka’t sa harap ng lahat ng kahugkagan at pagkasuklam, ito’y kasing-tatag ng mga damo.

Tanggapin mo ng may kagandahang loob ang payo ng mga taon, buong kagitingang isinusuko ang mga bagay ng kabataan. Alagaan mo ang lakas ng pag-iisip upang ipananggalang laban sa madidilim na kaisipan. Marami sa mga pangamba ay hatid ng pagod at kalungkutan. Sa kabila ng isang mabuting disiplina, maging mahinahon ka. 

IKAW ay anak ng sanlibutan, hindi hamak kaysa mga puno at mga bituin; may karapatan kang maparito. At maging ito man ay malinaw o hindi sa iyo, walang alinlangan na ang sanlibutan ay umiinog gaya ng nararapat nitong gawin. Kung gayon, maging mapayapa ka sa piling ng Diyos, anuman ang iyong pananaw tungkol sa Kanya. At anuman ang iyong mga pagpapagal at mithiin, sa maingay na 
kalituhan ng buhay, pamalagiin mo ang kapayapaan sa iyong kaluluwa.

SA KABILA ng kanyang mga pagkukunwari, pagkaalipin at gumuhong mga pangarap, ito’y isa pa ring magandang daigdig. Maging maingat ka. Pagsumikapan mong maging maligaya.

A Public Explanation

(Published on Bicol Mail, December 30, 2010)

When I signed the public apology prepared by Mr. Jose V. Barrameda, Jr. printed in local newspapers I rest with the thought that this concluded a controversy which erupted due to his complaints regarding some information in my books allegedly lifted from his previous publications. What that public apology amounted to was my admission that “I have not given adequate and proper citations” to his works. It was therefore, a technical lapse and not of any malicious act intended to deprive him of his credits, a fact he himself acknowledged. The urging of friends and family who read the apology to render an explanation publicly compelled me to break my silence. I write this not to take offense at Mr. Barrameda but only to provide clarification, no more, no less.

When I learned that Mr. Jose Barrameda Jr., made some insinuations in a forum at the Ateneo de Naga on December 14, 2010 that some information in my works,Canaman Through Four Centuries and The Lady of the Cimarrones were lifted from his three previously published books, Canaman Through the Centuries, The Crucible and The Lady of Peña de Francia, I went over to these books and tried to locate these specific contentious information as exhaustively as possible.

What immediately struck me on the Canaman book was the strong similarity between his title and mine. The titles sound similar indeed, but my title emphasizing 4 centuries was actually suggested by some of the town’s officials and the historical organization who wanted the long period of history of the town to be the central theme. But what escaped my thought was its similarity to the one earlier published by Mr. Barrameda. Had I noticed it at the time of the preparation, I would have offered the group a more mellifluous title so as not to arouse undue suspicion to jeopardize the integrity of the work. But it was certainly an oversight.

There were probably other omissions but the truth was I included pertinent references to his book such as in pages 83 and 84. All his two books, on Canaman and on the war, were listed in my Bibliography. The possibility of similar information intersecting between my book and his was obviously great. But this by no means indicates that mine were copied from him. Granted that some information manifested strong resemblance even in their presentation in the narrative drawing suspicion of having been lifted, this does not imply that I could not have access to them. Being a native of Canaman, with both paternal and maternal line among the original residents of this town, I am also familiar with its history, not only from oral, but even bibliographic and archival sources. For six times I went to Spain, one of the archival sources I focused my research on was Canaman. All in all, I have at least twenty boxes of rare historical manuscripts at home.

The problem, I admit, came from the absence of the traditional source reference or notation. When I wrote the book, I felt no need to indicate the specific sources since it was not intended for scholars but for ordinary readers interested in the narrative. Likewise, while it is a part of the traditional canon for research to cite sources, it is impossible, if not unreasonable for even the most meticulous scholar to produce citation for every information or else he ends up with a book of endnotes than a substantive narrative. In fact, modern historians today like Lawrence Bergreen, a Harvard historian who wrote on the Magellan expedition and Samuel Eliot Morison in his book, The European Discovery of America have already done away with specific citations of sources but replaced it with a more generalized bibliographic essay.

I may not have an extensive testimonial materials which Mr. Barrameda had in theCrucible but I have at least two boxes of primary documents from cryptic intelligence reports to maps drawn for aerial assaults of the Allied planes from where I mainly culled my data for the wartime narrative. The displays in the small museum on the second floor of the Ateneo de Naga Library dominated by World War II memorabilia are exclusively from my collection. That I have a substantial knowledge of World War II materials was affirmed by Mr. Barrameda himself who categorically acknowledged in the same book his indebtedness to me for leading him in the course of research to documentary sources and living informants. In fact, the cover picture in that book given to me by Juan Q. Miranda was among the historical materials I shared with him, which he also failed to acknowledge. Furthermore, the key players in the unit were my uncles, Juan Q. Miranda, Mamerto Sibulo, Elias Madrid (my mother is Madrid from San Nicolas, Canaman, birthplace of the guerilla organization), Gregorio Fortaleza, Andres Fortaleza, the Rosales brothers, etc.

The Lady of the Cimarrones was written primarily to fulfill my vow to Ina for miraculously saving my one–year-old daughter from an otherwise fatal fall on the eve of the fluvial procession! But it was also written for the Tercentenary celebration in which I was a part of a group organized by Msgr. Romulo Vergara to undertake research on its history in Spain. After more than two years of working on the documents, I still saw structural gaps in the narrative and thus, as the Peñafrancia festivities were already underway, I was still working on the editing. With limited time, I was apprehensive to print it and contemplated postponing its launching after the celebration. But the Archbishop and Msgr. Vergara, who adjudged this as the most scholarly written on the subject, so far, provided me the encouragement to print even with limited copies in view of possible editorial revisions. Given the limited time for editing, I already expected some lapses.

Going over the content, I found out few quotations from Mr. Barrameda’s English translation of the 1866 Gainza text were included in Chapter Four specifically those on pages 55 and 58. But placing them within quotation marks and with the large paragraph indented, were sufficient indications that I attributed them to another source, showing I had no intention to conceal and deliberately appropriate them as mine. Likewise, full credit to his work was given in the bibliography. In most of these phrases, the primary source, Gainza, was cited but unfortunately omitted Mr. Barrameda, the translator. But in other Chapters, such as those in pages 63 and 65, citations for his work appeared. How I wish I could cite every information from Mr. Barrameda but their omission was certainly unintentional, a lapsus memoriae, as I was shifting from several translations, Bicol, Spanish and Mr. Barrameda’s English translation. One must see the volumes of 17th and 18th centuries Spanish documents in undecipherable paleography I was working with to commiserate with my profession as a scholar on Spanish colonial history. This, actually made me think: What made Mr. Barrameda’s translation so special to risk a legal threat by lifting them when I could simply translate them myself even from the Spanish, the language I believed used by Gainza before it was translated to Bicol in 1866.

Having discovered lapses, I immediately phoned him early the next day (Dec. 15, 2010) and profusely apologized. I was expecting he would be considerate and forgiving with my lapses as in the past I was also generous with my materials. Appealing to him to settle the matter as quietly as possible without resorting to legal battle, Mr. Barrameda agreed on condition I make a public apology to be published in local newspapers. My wife who was listening in our phone conversation on the extension line could attest to this. I did not mind making the apology whose deadline was set at 4 pm. since I acknowledged my unintentional omissions and wished no quarrel with anyone. At 4 pm I went to his residence and presented him a signed two-sentence public apology briefly admitting my omissions to give “adequate and proper citations” to his works thereby causing the impressions that they have been appropriated as mine. But Mr. Barrameda told me to return on Monday, December 20, for him to study the content for publication. 

Waking up on Monday morning, December 20, with severe cold and fever I phoned Mr. Barrameda to postpone the deadline the next day which he agreed. I went to his house late afternoon in Tuesday (December 21) and immediately asked about my fever to which I replied, “still feeling weak.” Considering my condition, I told him I could not stay long as it was also getting dark on that rainy afternoon. As a gesture of my sincerity I had provided him with the remaining 15 copies of The Lady of the Cimarrones, to enable him to comb over the contentious texts and likewise ask him to provide me a copy indicating those which had been purportedly lifted. Before I left, Mr. Barrameda presented me what turned out to be his own version of the public apology, expecting two or three copies for distribution to few newspapers but there were more or less twenty of them! Sensing my quizzical response, he assured me they were only reserve copies. Wanting to expedite the settlement of the issue soon, I acquiesced. Teary-eyed and uncomfortable due to fever, I struggled reading through the texts as I also forgot my pair of eyeglasses. Mr. Barrameda again assured me that although it was longer than the previous draft, the substance was almost the same. Trusting his words and beating the deadline he imposed, I gave up any attempt to make a thorough reading and signed the apology. Besides, I felt that any effort to edit the texts he drafted was useless since he always reiterated that it would only be published if the content conformed to his ideas.

My wife was somewhat disturbed when I presented my copy at home, as there were words which she believed were inappropriate such as “I plagiarized” and others with incriminating and damaging implications. More confusing was that, although I signed the apology on the 20th, Mr. Barrameda had prepared his own version of the apology as early as December 15, as evident in the date indicated. Having gone through the texts myself and regretful, I tried to contact friends who could help repair the damage. But early in the afternoon two concerned individuals informed me that Mr. Barrameda was at City Hall distributing copies to some officials, even posting a copy at the Library before they came out of print, something we never agreed upon nor ever discussed. Few days later, Mr. Barrameda was already in the radio station.

Looking back at the event, which was among the most harrowing experiences in my life, it was beyond the stretch of my imagination that someone would come accusing me with the infringement on his work, particularly in the field of history and the humanities where I have invested a large portion of my life and my resources. I went to a thorough training in the humanities as an undergraduate and graduate student at the Ateneo de Manila and my doctorate at the University of the Philippines. My work as a Ph.D. Student in Philippine culture and history was marked by diligence and scholarly commitment confirmed by being a consistent honor student, capped by the conferral in 1998 of the Chancellor’s Award as one of the Most Outstanding Graduate Students of the University of the Philippines. My 500 page dissertation written in a span of ten years was awarded as “the most outstanding dissertation in the Philippine Studies for the first part of the Third Millennium.” I have devoted half of my life doing archival researches, including six trips to Spain combing the various archives in Madrid, Seville, Salamanca, Toledo, and Segovia including the cities of Rome and Amsterdam poring through their Filipiniana sources. Far from being a mere expert on Bicol history I have presented papers before eminent scholars in Philippine and Southeast Asian history in conferences in Europe such as in Madrid, Naples and Amsterdam as well as in the University of Asia and the Pacific, the Ateneo de Manila, and in the Embassy of Spain in the Philippines on topics ranging from early Spanish migrations, the Magellan expedition to the more complicated theoretical discourses in historiography. My articles were either printed or quoted in prestigious publications here and abroad such as in the 2001 edition of the Consejo Superior de Investigaciones Cientificas in Madrid, the Cambridge History of Christianity in Southeast Asia, Instituto de Cervantes’ 1998 Cuaderno de Historias and in many other works of eminent scholars, Filipinos, Europeans and Americans. I invite readers to do an exhaustive search in Google and Yahoo to verify this. I do not think I would ever compromise my reputation for whatever merit may come from deliberately lifting few treasured information from Mr. Barrameda or from anybody. Finally it must be remembered that if authors truly write with a noble mission, then they must be forgiving with the mistakes and omissions of those sharing the same mission, or they became suspect to espousing less noble purposes. As producers of knowledge, we write not only for ourselves but for the society, today and onward to posterity. Nonetheless, I still wish to apologize to Mr. Barrameda and pray that the issue ends here.

Happy New Year!!! 

Danilo M. Gerona, Ph.D.

30 December 2010